“I just came from a truly dysfunctional home.” One woman said to the other.
“Oh, yours or your neighbors? It is my contention there are only degrees of dysfunction not the absence of. I would love to see us, all of us, begin to work toward such a myth as a functional home. I have not seen the evidence of it. There is no clear description of such a thing." Replied the woman across the desk. Do you think that is an exaggerated statement?
One type of family has all the right manners, the overt behavior in that household is wholesome. They have both social and business friends. The children are popular in school. If you will notice they also have a lot of secrets. Nobody is aware that mama is having an affair with her trainer and daddy with his secretary. The children have not felt the dysfunction with the exception that they are very controlled and what they know is to be kept to themselves with fierceness of life and death. This is a dysfunctional home. These siblings may make it or they may not. They have no guarantee.
Others picture the home where everybody behaves as daddy dictates or there is real trouble. Sure this is a wholesome family environment. Daddy comes home daily after work. Mama has dinner on the table. All of them sit down to supper, silently. If you forget and talk you are backhanded by daddy and mama can’t help for fear she will be backhanded. Granted this could be physical or emotional reprisal. He will tell you in a minute he works hard for that family and deserves peace and quiet when he gets home. His family eats together, they may even go to church together he will assure you he is raising his kids right. They aren’t going to do drugs or drink. This is a dysfunctional home. What are the odds these will be able to keep daddy’s predictions? Little if any!
These two examples above are the average, assumed functional types of dysfunctional homes.
We all recognize the home where Mama and or Daddy is drunk most of the time, on drugs, selling drugs and or prostituting themselves and or the children to feed their habit. There are more of these than you would like to believe. We all know this is a dysfunctional home.
Today we see the ravages of sex, drugs and rock and roll. Young people are dying all over the place. Parents ask themselves what happened? When did it begin to go wrong? I thought I was doing fine. Nobody it seems has done fine, why? Do we know what a functional home is?
One of the greatest men in the Bible known to Christians and Jews is David. David was the ‘apple of God’s eye, a man after God’s own heart’. He prayed about everything he did regarding the business of being King and when he knew he had sinned he was quick to ask forgiveness. His home was; however, a dysfunctional one. Why do you suppose that was? He looked to God for everything in his life. He never prayed for his children. One of his sons raped his sister; we don’t see that David was ever told. Another son killed that son for his actions. This could not be kept from David. We don’t see that he ever asked why the brother was killed. There was trouble between David and this son for as long as that son lived. Wouldn’t you think perhaps this was a man with no connection of any consequences with his children until they reached adulthood? They were their mother’s problem. After all he supported them all very well. Bringing God into this with obedience would have made the difference. I believe that is what God is trying to show us here.
Can we always turn backward and blame the parents for the problems that children have? I think we always do to a point. I also think most parents (there are extremes in any issue) do attempt to right the wrongs done to them until they realize those are not the wrongs they are doing to their children without even being aware of it. As children we think we know what was really wrong at our house. There is something else out of whack and we don’t see it, we don’t know it or recognize it as a danger or even real. Dysfunction was set into the lives of man in the Garden. We keep hearing what the world says. We can do this and that and our home will be totally functional and our children will be examples of perfection. That is the lie of the world. It is possible for one to keep believing in a lie until something has to give. The balloon will only hold so much hot air!
Two people in all of history were born without parents. Adam and Eve. They had neither childhood nor parents to mess them up or bring all these problems on them. They had the best of counselor’s; they were in therapy daily walking in the garden with God. God had told them everything they needed to know. He gave them one commandment, only one; they should not eat of two trees in the Garden of Eden. Pretty simple wouldn’t you think. It wasn’t. They met the Father of Dysfunction. Satan!
Satan will work his way into any heart, home or organization he can get a toe hold in. It is necessary to have a home given to God. What happened to David, Adam and Eve? It is a simple matter of their disobedience. We have a far better covenant than that. Because of God’s great love He gave his son to die for our sins. We can ask the spirit of Jesus into our lives, give the whole of our lives to Him and ask Him to guide us in everything we do. Just going to Church on Sunday does not keep the dysfunction away, but every Word out of the mouth of God. You can slay the dragon of dysfunction from your life, that of your children or parents with prayer and obedience.
Let us seek to begin to build Functional Homes.
Johna Moody ©03/21/08 all rights are reserved
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